He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
