fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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