What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
