Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
