my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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