Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
farters have to be the big spoon...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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