And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
