He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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