What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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