You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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