I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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