were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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