What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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