Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i believe in u and ur pee
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
