weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
