And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize