hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
