I got chris browned last night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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