Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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