it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
