What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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