Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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