dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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