Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
