Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
