hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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