Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
