i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
