Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
