3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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