Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
