Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
