i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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