I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i think my cat just said my name.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
