whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize