Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize