Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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