i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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