Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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