I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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