um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
