it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
