We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
