Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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