I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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