i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
