I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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