My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
