How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
