Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
