you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
