my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
