That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
