I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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