My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
