i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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