Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
