No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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