***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
