Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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