Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
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had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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