I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
