I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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