Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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