Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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