Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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