i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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