My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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