Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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