What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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