well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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