Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
