how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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